Potential Expats are clueless about India, read the following and understand why...the humorous way
The answers are the actual responses to the questions on the website posed by firangis who are planning a visit to India.
I personally liked the last one
Q: Does it ever get windy in India ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa - can I follow the railroad tracks (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India ? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India ? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi , Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India ? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa . Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in India ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into India ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? ( France )
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in India ? ( UK )
A: You're a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore , and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: Do you have perfume in India ? ( France )
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? ( Italy )
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.
Q: Do you have Toilet paper? ( USA )
A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Expat Experiences
Rivan Sanzilay, has been in Mumbai,India for more than a year yet she finds herself being stared at to the point where she feels a faint twinge of fear. It wasn;t that way when she first landed in Mumbai. The crowds were enormous( at least to her), the throng of people overwhelming and the smells assailing! It was an experience that the faint hearted might have found difficult to cope with.but cope she did. A year down the line, she still feels disoriented by the throng of humanity but she's learnt to deal with it. It no longer affects her as intensely as it used to before. But the fear remains.Stories of foreigners being raped in Goa and Delhi have made her wary. Though she doesn't seek out the protection of the expat crowd, she does have some friends among them nevertheless. But most of her friends are true-blue Indians and she has learnt to mingle freely among them. Of course, Language in India is not much of a problem. English is universally used unlike China where it's even difficult to find someone to converse with in the international toungue. rivan is beginning to get the hang of life in Mumbai. She enjoys herself over the weekends with her husband and friends while during the week she is busy tending to her upcoming tourism business. She has to survive here, it's an expensive city afterall especially for foreigners. She gets incensed easily at the prices quoted when she goes to buy stuff from the market so now she's decided to let her bai(maid) do the purchasing. At least she wont get fleeced that way! The only places she finds foreigners getting reverential treatment are restaurants, pubs and other entertainment joints. t disheartens her to see people being treated unequal, and she realises that even market driven societies have class barriers. Something that might not have come to light in a non-asian country!
As told to Johnson Thomas
As told to Johnson Thomas
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